“They grow up so fast” … a saying parents hear ALL the time. Although I know it is a cliche but I feel this way about our infant son. He is already four and a half months old and how much he has changed and grown leaves me in awe. Witnessing him get bigger and stronger…going from his body needing support in every way to him whipping his head from one side to another, turning to face whoever is speaking, reaching and pulling. When my husband and I are talking he will often squawk and squeal as though he is part of the conversation. He has started pulling anything he can reach to his mouth to suck on and gum. He laughs and giggles. We talk to him and exaggerate our expressions, encouraging him to listen and interact. He will arch his back when we lean down to his rocker, knowing we will need to slip our hands behind his back in order to lift him up. He will look over or around things as needed to be able to see us. All of these things are examples of how he is growing, learning and changing. Perhaps the most obvious example of this is his improvement during “Tummy Time.”
Like many parents of a newborn we introduced “Tummy Time” when he was just a few weeks old. At first we were not particularly diligent about doing it consistently. At his two month check up the doctor flipped him on his belly to see how he reacted to being in that position. He squirmed and strained, she used her hand at the base of his neck to help him lift his head. During this exercise she encouraged us to have “Tummy Time” every day. Then she laughed and commented that he may be having a hard time with it because his head was so big (it is huge!). From that appointment forward we made it a point to have “Tummy Time” at least once, usually two or three times a day. He was always a good sport about it. After a few minutes of this exercise he would get frustrated and we would finish up. Slowly he would last longer and longer prior to getting frustrated. Then the other day as we were having our normal routine it hit me – there he was with his head raised high, looking around, up on his bent knees, reaching for toys and squirming…he was trying to crawl. He was squealing with joy while I clapped and praised him.
We not only expect, but encourage babies and young children to try new things. There is no shame in their attempts and subsequent failures because they are growing and exploring. They don’t know to be embarrassed when they are unsuccessful in their efforts. They don’t know to let their pride and laziness hold them back until we show them this behavior. So at what point do we no longer think “trying” is something to be celebrated but something to hide and be ashamed of? As though a skill or any improvement can be reached without the effort and possible embarrassment of the mere attempt. It hurts our pride to expose ourselves in this manner. For some reason, once we reach a certain point in our lives it seems as though the status quo is to maintain as we are – that may sounds redundant but hear me out. We become complacent. I know that too often this has been the case with me. I allow my inner skeptic to whisper doubt into my mind. Then negative thoughts float around my head while my motivation flies out of the window. The fear of failure ends up having far too much control over my goals and desires whether they are related to my career, physical health, spiritual health, relationship with my loved ones, etc. To try to improve at something or to start working on a new skill is scary and takes energy. It would mean exposing myself during the journey. Too often when an adult tries to expand, grow, change and/or improve it unsettles those around them who may have goals that they are too afraid to pursue. This unsettled feeling leads to apathy in the best case scenario and essential sabotage in the worst.
During “Tummy Time” our son doesn’t have a choice. We flip him on his belly and he works his little muscles to build his strength. We are there to encourage him and cheer him on. Seeing his improvement over the last few months has been a perfect example of how diligent effort, working through frustration and some encouragement can make a huge difference. At first you may feel clumsy and awkward when you are trying to make a change. Growing and improving can be uncomfortable, frustrating, painful and can leave you feeling exposed. But, if we are realistic about our goals and we are consistent in our effort, allowing ourselves the time and grace to struggle and regroup…isn’t it nearly impossible to gain at least SOMETHING from the journey? And hey, it takes a lot of guts just taking that first step, knowing that the end result might not be how exactly as you hope but giving it a try anyway.