What day of the week is it? Wait that means tomorrow is…? When is the 5th of the month? How long before the 30th? In many ways we have lost the activities that set the cadence to our daily, weekly, monthly schedule. Working remotely, remote learning, canceled sports or clubs, limited outings, restricted in person worship – the occurrence of each of these things defined our schedule and therefore what we did, when and at what cost.
Work: Monday – Friday 8 am – 5 pm, Tuesday – Sunday 2 pm – 11 pm, etc. Often making two out of three sit down meals with any other member of your family impossible. Impacting the third meal as well by rushing it or adding stress to it making reaching the level of importance/sanctity we have wrapped around it in our heads (while we are unavailable) thus causing me stress as we watch the precious time together slip away in an irritated, exhausted, distracted haze. Now, many are home and the pressure to be better at work AND at home is enormous (professionally and personally). The lines are blurred and the hats so many of us wear are stacking up as the boundary between work self and home self has disappeared. I am speaking from a “traditional, work outside of the home” point of view. But, I recognize how stay at home parents are impacted by this as well. Their world and everyday life looks very different from pre-COVID life. Then, what about those who have been laid off? Something that took the majority of your time and energy, dictated your schedule probably more than any other single thing is gone. For many their identity is directly related to their career, performance at work, relationships at work, networking, earning an income, growth. Take away that and it attacks the person’s idea of themselves. What is going to fill that time? Some would answer, their family, home improvement, physical health…the list continues. But, the truth of the matter is very often we find that the cause of any perceived deficiency in any area is not time but motivation. In general , most people (myself included) struggle with a growth mentality. Growing requires energy, honesty, discipline, action, acceptance of the feeling of discomfort. In order to grow one must be engaging in something different from what they know or are used to. I don’t know that this is ever automatically welcomed. More likely this feeling is something most of us try to avoid whether you are working or not.
Remote Learning: Challenging for all. Across the board. Period. Fortunately, when this began our youngest two were already home learning. But, these last 9 months have seriously, negatively impacted these efforts and outcomes. There has been regression in areas and far more free time/screen time than I would prefer to admit. This impacts the children’s schedule and behavior. Mondays we no longer go the museums or zoos. We attempt to bridge some of this with virtual experiences which was a cheap replacement initially and now don’t even register with the kids. “Free Time Fridays” lost its excitement when basically every day has increased its “Free Time.”
Canceled sports, clubs, religious gatherings: activities that helped the family break the week down even further. These dictated who needed to be where and when. How much time was available to cook and eat dinner. Basketball practice every weekday except on Tuesday and Thursdays. Those nights were games at varying locations. Wednesday afternoons is Girl Scouts. Every third Thursday of the month is Happy Hour with a few friends. Sunday morning is church then lunch with the family. Second Saturday of the month is Farmer’s Market. These things differentiated one day from the next. They set the tone of what we were looking forward to or dreading. Just adding another layer to the brain fog that time has become.
As a society our emotions, relationships, finances, physical whereabouts, mental and physical health, have not only been turned upside down (that is merely a 180, most of us could recover and regain traction) but they have been shred and strewn about like tinsel in the branches of large trees. Schedule? Awareness of life events? Of time? For many, money for bills and food? I know I need to stop and breath, a lot more than I do. Leading up to 2021 (please be better!) I know I need to make some improvements in myself. I am going to intentionally take some time to breathe. Be alone, roll my shoulders back raise my face to the sky and listen to myself breathe. I will probably have to count my breaths in and out to aid in controlling my thoughts while I do this which in an of itself would be improvement for me. I , like most everyone else, have heard something like this before. I know its good for me, if nothing else its an exercise in discipline – but I know it helps me to calm down (mentally and physically) and gain some control over myself. Which for me is a major step in my attempt to have a growth mentality.
Take a breath Tuesday