It is fairly common and accepted that what makes a “family” is not strictly biology. Members can be married in, like in-laws, or honorary, like the neighbor who is considered and acts like they are related. We can call a dear friend our sister or our child’s best friend one of our own children. Lines are blurred and blended and it doesn’t seem to have any negative connotation. Then, why is it when the “step” child / parent relationship enters the picture that barriers go up and emotions run so high?
Perhaps one of the reasons is the events that led up to a “step” relationship. Typically there is some sort of break-up and heartache that causes the parents to separate. The term often used to refer to this home is “broken” and that makes me cringe! Somehow implying that divorce or separation means that the family and its members need to be fixed – because that is what we do with things that are broken, right? The topic here is not about causes of divorce or separation, but it is that sometimes these things happen and when they do…then what? The household and those involved are broken?
What does that term communicate to the child/children involved? Are they broken? If something is broken doesn’t it need to be fixed? Does that mean the new partner for mom or dad is the missing piece, they are what will “fix” things? But then how is the child supposed to feel about the other biological parent, are they still broken? The fact of the matter is that some children’s parents will separate. Often one or both will become seriously involved with someone else. What does that family look like, what is it called? Let’s change our terminology from “broken family” to “blended family.”
I know I did not create this idea, but I love it. Our immediate family is made up of two parents and two children: My husband and I, the son we had together is an infant and my husband’s first son is officially a “tweener” as of this summer. He and I have known each other and been a part of each other’s lives for over eight years. I love him and to a certain extent will always consider him my first son. I am lucky to be able to be a part of his life and I know he has made me a better person. We are fortunate, his father (my hubby) and mother have a pretty good, working relationship. It is clear that I am not trying to replace anyone. She and her family accept me and my role in his life. Which, as I see it is simply another adult who loves him and wants what is best for him. Nothing and no one is broken and in need of being fixed. We are blended and now my “step”son has a whole tribe of people cheering for him and supporting him and my biological son has an awesome big brother.
Our family is BLENDED not broken…check out this video!