I feel like everywhere I look I see something about “self care.” Most of the time just hearing it or reading it causes me to roll my eyes or gag. I see these advertisements, posts and comments about how important it is. How everyone, even moms, (yes thank you cookies on my phone and computer you have me pinged there) needs to take time to take care of themselves. I see images of women sitting snuggled up with a cup of coffee and book, or having a “me” day at a salon…or whatever the social media influencer or entity may be pushing. There is the mantra that if my cup is empty then I don’t have anything to give to my spouse, children, friends, work, etc.
Guess what? This concept is not new. We should not need the devices, social media and or any other influence that we (as a society) have become so dependent on to tell us this. Again, guess what? I know that for me – I would have more time and energy to take care of myself if I spent less time scrolling on my phone looking at social media, the internet, etc.
Here is what I think, and none of it is original so I’m not claiming to really KNOW anything, to practice self care you first must exercise self discipline. I am a working mother with two children under three. My husband works. We have the stresses that many families have. We may have some that others do not, but we also do not have some that others have…we all just have our stuff. I feel like I have no time or energy for anything. When I get home from work I want to unwind and spend time with my children (at this time these two things do not go hand in hand) and spend time with my husband. But dinner needs to be put together, household bills need to be paid, laundry done, shower/baths…etc. At what point am I supposed to take care of myself? I am so tired and pulled in different directions it often feels paralyzing. My body hurts, I am fatigued, I do not feel strong or confident or as patient as I should be. So is the fact that I suck at self care negatively impacting my family and me life – yes. Yay, something to feel guilty about. Again, nothing new.
Here is the thing, in my life I have a husband who shares in the household responsibilities. He doesn’t “help with the kids” he is an engaged father. I don’t have to work 60 hours a week. I am explaining this because I acknowledge that if I choose to, I can make time for self care I just have to have the discipline to do so. I can put my phone down and fully engage with our children when we play and eat…then guess what when I leave them to play by themselves or watch TV (judge me, they probably get too much screen time) to get dinner together, finish up work or sit on hold with the doctor’s office I don’t feel so guilty. Getting “chores” (for lack of a better term) done makes me feel good – and is necessary. I feel like I am gaining traction and control of my time. And for me that is when I am able to think about self care. I don’t really have a hobby and I haven’t really made friends in the area yet. I have had a baby inside me or sucking on my boob for almost four years straight now so my self care may look a little different. I like massages so in an effort to take care of myself I bought one of those memberships that you enroll for a year and pay for a monthly massage at a discounted rate. I thought if I did that I would be sure to make time to get the massage because the money was spent. I now have 3 massages accrued. For me feeling like I have the time to shower, shave my legs and style my hair without rushing and being frazzled makes me feel good. If I get up a little earlier in the morning I can take care of getting myself ready so I am done before the kids get up. If I stretch while I’m playing with the kids on the floor my body will feel better. Once the kids are down I could stay up and binge watch something on TV or I could read a little and go to bed at a decent hour so I feel a little more like a person the next day.
This may seem all over the place but my point is if I am honest there is opportunity for self care, I just need to decide it is a priority for me. Nothing anyone says and nothing I can buy can make ME do that. It is a choice I have to make.
I went ahead and scheduled a massage for tomorrow morning…fake it ’til you make it, right?